Stage Seven:
Integrating All of Life's Lessons
The Rest of Life
"Man’s main task in life is to give birth to himself."
— Erich Fromm
Throughout the Childhood Affirmations Program, I stress that when you deliberately take the time to genuinely listen to your children's tales of woe, or kiss them good night, or set firm but gentle limits, or wish them well on a test, you can be fairly sure they will benefit from your attempts to be a good parent.
Unfortunately, what often happens is that, when you aren't particularly paying attention to what you do, or when you think your children won't notice, they still absorb your actions and words. By watching you, they conclude what it means to be an adult.
If you are resourceful, resilient and compassionate, your children are very likely to also have those qualities (as I note in Live Your Values, Express Your Highest Qualities). They will be different than you when they reach adulthood, of course, because they'll have their own experiences and their own temperament. Nevertheless, the "apple doesn't fall far from the tree" is as true today as it was when first coined.
In fact, you are probably a lot more like your parents than you'd like to believe. But that is why this section has been created, to give you information that can help you learn what you may have missed in your own childhood, to address some of the areas in which you would like to be a better model for your children than your parents were always able to be for you — and also to simply help you on the path to greater personal growth and self-awareness.
What difference might these articles make for your family and for the world? I believe a poem and a statement by a well-known therapist and teacher do a good job of answering that question.
If there be peace in the heart,
there will be peace in the home.
If there be peace in the home,
there will be peace in the community.
If there be peace in the community,
there will be peace in the nation.
If there be peace in the nation,
there will be peace in the world.
— Anonymous
“When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country.
But it, too, seemed immovable.
As I grew into my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have none of it.
And now as I lie on my deathbed, I suddenly realize: If I had only changed my self first, then by example I would have changed my family.
From their inspiration and encouragement, I would then have been able to better my country and, who knows, I may have even changed the world.”
— Virginia Satir
SIDEBAR TO ABOVE ARTICLE:
INDEX
Life: The Never-Ending Opportunity to Learn
Do you know who you are and what you want from life?
Your family tree offers clues to difficulties you have today
Letting go of regrets from parenting mistakes
What motivates people to change?
Embracing the next stage of your growth
You Teach Your Children With Everything You Do and Say
Do you focus on your child's self-esteem?
Do you insist on respect from every member of your family?
Have you made peace with your parents and your family?
Do you say to your children, "I really mean it?"