Affirmations to Help Your Teen Learn About IDENTITY, SEXUALITY and SEPARATING

BY ARLENE F. HARDER, MA, MFT

"Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home."

— Bill Cosby

"The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant—and let the air out of their tires."

— Dorothy Parker

In this final stage before adulthood, children come up against several important developmental tasks they must master if they are to emerge as independent people with their own values and with responsibility for their own needs, feelings, and behaviors.

Although teenagers may claim not to care what their parents think, caregivers play essential roles as teens move from competence to rebelliousness, from using logic to arguing every unimportant detail, and from being both independent and dependent. Probably more than other stages, young people are desperately trying to find their feet in a world where the ground seems to constantly shift under them. They need guidance in experimenting with being sexual (which is not the same as being sexually active) and in finding a comfortable place among adults.

Affirmations needed by all children from thirteen to nineteen years of age—and by everyone else as well:

We enjoy having you develop your own interests.

You can be responsible for your own needs, feelings and behaviors and still ask for our support.

You can recognize the difference between feelings of friendship and sexual feelings.

We encourage you to discover a purpose for your life and pursue your goals with passion.

We look forward to knowing you as an adult and our love is always with you.

You can stand up for your beliefs and also respect the convictions of others.

Take a Moment to Listen Today

Take a moment to listen today

To what your children are trying to say.

Listen today, whatever you do

Or they won't be there to listen to you.

Listen to their problems, listen to their needs;

Praise their smallest triumphs, praise their smallest deeds.

Tolerate their chatter, amplify their laughter,

Find out what's the matter, find out what they're after—

But tell them that you love them, every single night,

And though you scold them, be sure you hold them tight:

Tell them, "Everything's all right—

Tomorrow's looking bright."

Take a moment to listen today

To what your children are trying to say.

Listen today, whatever you do,

And they will come back to listen to you.

—Author unknown