Putting Affirmations for Toddlers Into Practice

BY ARLENE F. HARDER

"The old notion that children are the private property of parents dies very slowly. In reality, no parent raises a child alone. How many of us nice middle-class folk could make it without our mortgage reduction?"

—Marian Wright Edelman

Knowing your child needs to learn about thinking and feeling at this stage of development is the first step in helping him build pathways in his brain for all the ideas and emotions he will experience in his lifetime. The second step is finding a way to support him as he discovers how to solve problems and handle the feelings that sometimes seem to get the better of him.

The links on this page are designed to help you toward that goal. However, since children develop at different rates, you may want to check out the recommended suggestions for Stage 2 and Stage 4 as well. In addition to all twelve strategies for parenting, I also recommend you be certain to read Will Baby Einstein Videos Turn Your Child Into a Genius? if you are considering using "educational" videos for your baby. And don't forget, your child is becoming a great copycat, as the first recommendation below notes, so be sure to check out the articles under the category of You Teach Your Children With Everything You Do and Say.

Defiance of children two to four

Your preschooler has many ways to refuse what you know to be a reasonable request and to continue behavior he's been told many times is not allowed. Why? What you can do about it? This article will give you a number of techniques you can try.

Resistance and your two-year-old's endless nos

Discover the balance between stamping out any attempts your child makes to exert her will and allowing her to resist you because you don't know how to handle the situation — which creates a spoiled child whose sense of entitlement to always have her way develops problems for her, and you, in the future.

I’m Embarrassed!

Why is my child embarrassed? Learn how big steps in self-awareness lead to new feelings like embarrassment. 1 to 2 years

Nurturing Your Child’s Development

This is an excellent resource to help you understand exactly how you can best support their child’s healthy development and growing brain. These handouts, developed to coincide with well-baby check-ups, are based on "Neurons to Neighborhoods: The Science of Early Childhood Development," a report by the National Academy of Sciences. They were created by the American Academy of Pediatrics and the ZERO TO THREE organization and are in the form of easy-to-use PDF files.

Using Time-outs Effectively

There are two goals in raising a toddler. One is to help the child learn skills he needs to acquire at this stage, namely, he needs to learn how to think more clearly about what he is doing and to better manage his feelings. It's a tough job because you don't want to unnecessarily stifle his natural curiosity and instincts which, according to one parent, are "hard-wired to meddle, taste, break and otherwise interact with" his environment" and you don't want to have a child who controls his parents.

Does this mean using time-outs? Some parents find they work. Others don't like them and use distraction instead. However, it's been my observation that when parents are given concrete examples of how other parents have used time-outs effectively, they can use those methods that work best for their temperament and the temperament of their child. No matter what technique they use, they are likely to be most successful if they follow my sixth parenting strategy for confident and practical parenting, Discipline as Consistently as Possible.

If you want to see how parents can use time-outs to teach children how to behave better, I highly recommend the TimeOut Tots DVD. This is a non-threatening, non-judgmental squirrel puppet that shows children why tantrums, whining, biting, grabbing, pushing and cutting in line are not acceptable. Best of all, it shows children what they can do instead.

It isn't likely to be as effective with very young toddlers as it can be with older children, but it will give you ideas you can use when your child seems more ready for time-outs.

With older toddlers, and definitely with children from three to six, the Time-Out Tot DVD is an excellent resource. I am particularly impressed with the free newsletter put out by Ann Brazil, the mother who designed the program.

For other ideas about time-outs and discipline for toddlers, here are several from the Toddlers Today website:

Do Time-Outs Work for Toddlers?

Effective Discipline for Toddlers

Get Your Toddler to Cooperate!