Parenting Strategy 10:
Instill in Your Child a Love of Learning
"Obsessive parents know who they are and are generally proud of the fact; non-obsessive parents also know who the obsessives are and tend to snicker at them."
—Steven D. Levitt and Stephen L. Dubner in Freakonomics: A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything
"In a business class at the University of Wisconsin, Stevens Point, we had to interview a variety of local people and write a report. I thought the assignment was a waste of time until I spoke with a 78-year-old farmer. 'How much education do you have?' I asked.
"Six years of schoolin',' he replied. 'And 72 years of learnin'."
—Contributed by S.G.H. to Reader's Digest
"The one form of stimulation that has been proven to make a difference is language: infants and children who are conversed with, read to, and otherwise engaged in lots of verbal interaction show somewhat more advanced linguistic skills than children who are not as verbally engaged by their caregivers. Because language is fundamental to most of the rest of cognitive development, this simple action—talking and listening to your child—is one of the best ways to make the most of his or her critical brain-building years."
"Reading matters, but children's mastery of reading is part and parcel of their growth as writers, listeners, creators, and learners. If we make our children believe that reading has more to do with matching letters and sounds than with developing relationships with characters like Babar, Madeline, Charlotte, and Ramona, we do more harm than good. If we help our children break apart words, but don't give them special shelves for beloved books, bedside lamps, and a ritual for pouring over books before they go to sleep, we do more harm than good. If we drill our children to ensure that they instantly recognize vocabulary words, but don't notice and celebrate when they have the confidence to try reading the print they find on grocery store shelves and roadside signs, we do our children more harm than good."
—Lydia Bellino in Raising Lifelong Learners
This strategy isn't about how to make your child smarter. It isn't about helping him get better grades. It's about helping your child love to learn. If he loves to learn, he'll make maximum use of his intelligence and will probably be successful in whatever he tries to do.
How then to instill in your child a love of learning? Consider the results of a study done in the late 1990s with a cross section of 20,000 American schoolchildren that evaluated the correlation between a child's personal circumstances and his school performance.
When the researchers did a regressive analysis of a monumental amount of information, they discovered that there were sixteen factors that showed a strong correlation — either positive or negative — with test scores. Here are eight factors that are strongly correlated with high test scores:
The child has highly educated parents.
The child's parents have high socioeconomic status.
The child's mother was thirty or older at the time of her first child's birth.
The child has low birthweight.
The child's parents speak English in the home.
The child is adopted.
The child's parents are involved in the PTA.
The child has many books in his home.
Now here are the eight factors that are not correlated with high test scores:
The child's family is intact.
The child's parents recently moved into a better neighborhood.
The child's mother didn't work between birth and kindergarten.
The child attended Head Start.
The child's parents regularly take him to museums.
The child is regularly spanked.
The child frequently watches television.
The child's parents read to him nearly every day.
If you are smart, hardworking, well educated, etc., you fit into the category of parents whose children are "more likely to succeed." However, "more likely" to succeed is not the same as "will" succeed. A sociological study can make assumptions about the general population, but you aren't the general population. Your child is a statistic of one.
By the same token, if you don't have an advanced degree or high socioeconomic status, and if you had your first child when you were a teenager, there is still no reason to believe your child will not turn out just fine. You see, based on my own experience and work with clients, I believe that one of the most important factors in helping a child live successfully is that you, yourself, love learning. Children "inherit" an enthusiasm of learning from parents.
Some parents may express that enthusiasm by buying books and joining the PTA. Other parents may go to museums and read books to their children. And there are many ways to show your child that you place learning high on your list of values. Here are a few:
Touch and talk
Support your child's natural curiosity with questions, both yours and theirs
Don't focus on grades alone
Share your observations about the world
Read to and with your child, even when they can read by themselves
Want your child to become a resourceful, resilient, and compassionate adult? Then share your love of learning. Become engaged with the world. Ask questions. Look up the answers. Ask more questions. Explore still more possible answers. Venture beyond the known. Share your enthusiasm of learning with your child.