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Parenting Strategy 9:

Create Space for Joy, Humor and Spirit

BY ARLENE F. HARDER, MA, MFT

Do you feel you don't have an extra minute to spare? Are you afraid that reading this short article about creating space in your life keeps you from doing all the jobs you've scheduled for yourself and your child? Welcome to the world of the average parent today.

If you hang in there just a bit longer, however, I hope to persuade you that when you overschedule both your child and yourself, you're causing your child to miss the most important point of childhood — and denying yourself much joy in life. And just what is the point of allowing children to play openly, freely, and without an agenda imposed by adults who have more on their plates than they can possibly finish?

The point is to allow your child to discover the magic of life, the joy of solitude, the small pleasures hidden in unexpected places, the thrill of playing for no other purpose than to play, the delight of pondering what the world would be like if we were all ants or what would happen if some other equally unrealistic probability were to come true. Such a child develops the vital skill of creativity and imagination. Because she has experienced the pure joy of child's play, she doesn't have to wait for someone to tell her what she is supposed to do.

There is a high price to be paid when you overschedule your life, for I’ve yet to find anyone with a highly-pressured, overscheduled life who truly has peace in her heart. And unfortunately the repercussions are felt beyond the home, as the following poem suggests:

If there be peace in the heart,

there will be peace in the home.

If there be peace in the home,

there will be peace in the community.

If there be peace in the community,

there will be peace in the nation.

If there be peace in the nation,

there will be peace in the world.

—Anonymous

© Copyright 2005, Arlene F. Harder, MA, MFT

Quotations Worth Considering

“We read books, consult experts, and follow the pressure to arrange endless enrichment opportunities because this hyper-parenting style is touted as the right way to raise kids. Actually, it is unbalancing our families, damaging our marriages, and contributing to unhappy, overstressed children being diagnosed as learning disabled, ADD, bipolar, and depressed, as well as to adolescents getting involved with premature sex, drugs, and alcohol.”

— Alvin Rosenfeld, MD, author of The Overscheduled Child: Avoiding the Hyper-Parenting Trap and founder of National Family Night

“With time short, moms often focus on 'what's important'—catching up on kids' news, helping with homework. Yet in our tense society, children crave some­thing more—a good time with Mom. It doesn't require an enormous amount of time, only a playful spirit, a willingness to let a homework session turn a bit silly or a chore get transformed into a game. . . . Motherhood is a big job, but it's not meant to be a burden. Sometimes you may need to be a little less responsible—to let go of your demands on yourself and have fun with your children."

— From “What Kids Really Need From Mom” by Joyce Brothers