Parenting Strategy 8:
Live Your Values, Express Your Highest Qualities
BY ARLENE F. HARDER, MA, MFT
Your children absorb messages of right and wrong from every teacher they have and from every television show they watch. They are exposed to values, both good and bad, when playing video games and surfing the Internet, or when playing at a friend’s house and observing how the rules in that household are enforced, or not enforced.
Hopefully, your children will learn from a myriad of sources about the highest qualities of the human spirit — such as honesty, kindness, gratitude, forgiveness, courage, beauty and integrity. Unfortunately, they will also be exposed to many examples of the not-so-noble qualities of human nature — such as aggression, arrogance, bullying, cheating, cowardice, cruelty, depression, dishonesty, disrespect, greed, hatred, intolerance, jealousy, passivity, pessimism, prejudice, pride, self-righteousness and vanity, to name just a few.
From each of these experiences they will eventually draw their own conclusions about how they should live. However, if you want your child to have a compass firmly set in the direction of strong morals, principles, and values that will steer them through childhood and into adulthood, there are two primary actions you must take. One is to teach your child to be media savvy, which will give her a tool for interpreting the messages thrown at her from every direction. The other way to instill values and build character is simply to practice what you preach — by living your values and expressing your highest qualities.
You can also learn how you can practice this technique by using the "Ben Franklin Method," the value of being a Mensch rather than a Nebbish, and read an excerpt from a lovely book called Field Notes on the Compassionate Life: A Search for the Soul of Kindness by Marc Ian Barasch.
© Copyright 2005, Arlene F. Harder, MA, MFT
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