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Parenting Strategy 6:
Discipline as Consistently as Possible
BY ARLENE F. HARDER, MA, MFT
Inconsistency in discipline got me into a lot of trouble when I was raising my children. As I described it in Letting Go of Our Adult Children: When What We Do is Never Enough, "Inconsistency was my most outstanding and self-defeating trait. Our children learned to tolerate any kind of discipline because they knew it would change when I tried something else.”
So if you find yourself worn down with tears, begging and whining, and if getting your child to do chores around the house becomes a major struggle, you may want to remember two essential elements of good, effective discipline:
 You are the parent and it is your responsibility to decide where you want to draw the line
Whatever discipline technique you use, it is important that it fit most comfortably with your temperament and the goals you want for your child. That is why you must know what your goals are and decide what is your “bottom line,” the line that clearly separates acceptable and unacceptable behavior.
If your child knows where that line is, believe me, he will appreciate not having to constantly guess whether he’s allowed to take one action rather than another. The more you move the line, the more battles and discontent you’ll have in the future.
Decide What Happens When Your Child Steps Over the Line
Your children's self-esteem will not be ruined forever because they aren’t allowed to make family life into a battle of wills. You should not have to go through a major skirmish every day over going to bed, setting the table, doing routine chores, and courteous behavior.
That is why, when you have let your child know how far he can go and he chooses to test your limits, you will need to provide consistent, kind and firm consequences. Every time.
© Copyright 2005, Arlene F. Harder, MA, MFT
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