Parenting Strategy 5:
Teach Responsibility and Respect
BY ARLENE F. HARDER, MA, MFT
There are two important qualities of the human spirit that are essential for parents to teach their children if they want them to become resourceful, resilient, and compassionate adults. One is responsibility for one's actions. The other is respect for the dignity of all human beings.
What is the most important factor in teaching your child to be responsible? Live responsibly.
Okay, let's assume you're responsible in everything you do. You pay your bills on time, you don't lie, you are faithful to your partner, you do what you say you will do when you say you will do it (or most of the time, anyway). How do you deliberately translate the modeling of your behavior into similar behavior for your child? Here are a few suggestions you might consider.
1. Don't allow your child to play the blame game.
2. Keep your hands (mostly) off homework.
3. Require your child to do daily chores.
4. Teach your child to be responsible for her own clothes.
5. Teach your child to be responsible toward the environment.
6. Teach your child about money and finances.
Teaching respect is as important as teaching responsibility. It is not unusual for a bully, a child who doesn't wait his turn, an adulterer, a wife abuser, a corrupt politician, a terrorist, or a soldier who abuses prisoners under his command to accept responsibility for his actions because he has justified, in his own mind, why he acted as he did. However, he may experience no genuine remorse because he has no respect for the person or person he harms.
Lack of respect for others is at the core of discrimination, injustice, prejudice, and intolerance. Nevertheless, in exploring the Tolerance Pledge developed by the Teaching Tolerance Program (which seems like a good idea, but which detractors), I suggest we first need to agree on what we mean by "respect." Some people feel they can't respect another person because they assume they have to hold the other person's ideas or actions in "esteem" in order to give them respect. That makes it all but impossible for such a person to say they "respect" those who hold views diametrically opposed to theirs.
For me, respect is simply a recognition that every person has dignity as a human being. Respect means being willing to treat everyone with kindness and compassion even though they may differ from us because of their religion, culture, race, economic status, philosophy, or other characteristic. When we treat others in this way, we will help create a world that is safer, less corrupt, and more just, tolerant and peaceful.
© Copyright 2005, Arlene F. Harder, MA, MFT
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