|
Parenting Strategy 2:
Maintain Good Relations With Your Child's Other Parent
BY ARLENE F. HARDER, MA, MFT
Let’s face it. Parenting is just plain easier when the parents get along well. It is in the nature of kids to want to keep the TV on when you want it turned off. They want to stay up when you want them to go to bed. They don’t want to clean their rooms when their rooms need cleaning. Getting them to do what you want can be a tough job. It’s a lot easier if there are two adults in the house who get along well with each other. However, it’s difficult if the people who are supposed to be in charge are bickering and won’t even speak to one another.
On the other hand, problems can arise even when parents don’t argue, but merely ignore or gloss over their differences. The danger of ignoring underlying problems between parents is that the stress of the marital relationship can easily get sidetracked and impact a child.
The reality is that you can't isolate your problems from your children. You realize that is true if you are divorced, of course, but just as we now know that alcoholism impacts the whole family, conflicts between sparing parents cannot easily be hidden from their children. Almost any child can tell you whether mommy and daddy are happy with each other. They may not know the details and they may only sense the tension in the air, but don't be fooled. When parents don't get along, it does impact the children.
Even if you could hide conflicts from your children, not letting them know that you’re having problems or that you disagree prevents them from learning how to approach problems when they grow up and get married.
So if you’re having conflicts with your spouse or partner and think therapy will help the two of you get along better, run, don’t walk, to a good marriage counselor. It will help not only you, but your children as well. This article gives nine ways in which marriage counseling can help both parents and children. It also provides a list of ways in which disagreeing couples can make things worse.
© Copyright 2005, Arlene F. Harder, MA, MFT
| 
