How the Childhood Affirmations Program was Developed

BY ARLENE F. HARDER, MA, MFT

It wasn’t until our oldest son was in high school that it became clear our family had major problems. Using my parents’ authoritarian method wasn’t working, nor was the permissive approach I periodically tried, but I didn’t know how to parent any differently. What I did know was that for my family to change, I had to change myself.

It took many years, and a lot of therapy, before I learned how to be less of a perfectionist and more at peace with myself. The following are a few of the many experiences that ultimately influenced my decision to create the Childhood Affirmations Program:

Going back to work when our youngest, twins, were thirteen. I discovered my four children could get along without my constant hovering.

Training in Psychosynthesis. This holistic school of psychology taught me it is possible to manage the disparate voices that demand our attention. It also put me in touch with a calming central core and set me on a path of spiritual discovery.

Graduate school. In studying family systems at the California Family Studies Center in Burbank, I discovered how both healthy and unhealthy patterns of behavior were perpetuated in my family.

Practicing marriage, family and child therapy. Putting my education and license to work with clients struggling with many difficult family issues, I saw how just one motivated family member can make a tremendous difference for the entire family.

Certification by the Academy for Guided Imagery. Training in this program, added to the experience I had gained from Psychosynthesis, led me to create a series of imagery tapes and scripts on such topics as forgiveness and resolving stressful relationships.

Speaker and workshop leader. In the production of workshops and conferences over thirty years, I’ve learned the importance of balancing information and experiential exercises.

Writing Letting Go of Our Adult Children: When What We Do Is Never Enough. The positive response to this book, based on my own experience, work with clients and interviews with many parents, convinced me that sharing lessons learned is healing and playing the blaming game helps neither child nor parents.

A forty-four year marriage. From this relationship I continue to learn how commitment, compromise and humor are essential for a satisfying marriage.

Co-founding The Wellness Community–Foothills in Pasadena, California. This is the local facility of a national nonprofit organization offering professional psychosocial support to cancer patients and their families. In serving on the board and presenting many workshops, I realized that I could use my skills to make a difference in the world.

Founding, creating and designing two valuable websites. In 1996 I co-founded CancerOnline together with a cancer survivor and worked pro-bono as full-time executive director for five years. In 2001, I closed that site and created the content-rich website Learning Place Online, which was focused on helping all people become the best they can be.

Although Learning Place Online was well-received, it covered too many topics. So in 2004 I began to distribute that content into both this Childhood Affirmations website and Support4Change, which uses changing life cycles as opportunities for growth. In many ways it complements what is offered in the Childhood Affirmations Program. (Now Learning Place Online remains active only as a vehicle for directing people to my two new sites.)

From all my experiences in raising children, working with parents and families, and observing my grandchildren growing up in today's stressful society, I have come to the conclusion that families need a lot of help. My hope is that the Childhood Affirmations Program will give parents tools for self-understanding and will help them develop effective parenting skills I did not have when I was raising my family.

© 2005, Childhood Affirmations Program, Arlene F. Harder, MA, MFT