For Parents of Children from Six to 19 Years

Preventing Drug and Alcohol Abuse

BY ARLENE F. HARDER

NOTE: The information in this articles comes from my own experience and from publications of the U.S. Department of Education and the White House Office of National Drug Control.

There are many factors that cause a young person to get into trouble with drugs and alcohol. In Letting Go of Our Adult Children: When What We Do Is Never Enough, I tell the story of my own inability to prevent my son from becoming an alcoholic. "Just say no" does not work. What I do believe works for children is a combination of:

setting a positive example in your own use of drugs and alcohol

helping your children develop an ability to delay gratification in this consumer-oriented society

being interested in their lives and involved without being trying to run their lives

teaching them to be responsible for their own actions

knowing their friends, where they're going, and what they're doing

talking early and often about drugs

giving them the belief that they are absolutely loved even when they make mistakes

knowing what to do if your child does begin to experiment.

Ideas for Elementary School Children

A child this age usually shows increasing interest in the world outside the family and home. Discuss how anything you put in your body that is not food, water or juice can be extremely harmful, and how drugs interfere with the way our bodies work and can make a person very sick or even cause them to die. (Most children of this age have had real-life experiences with the death of a relative or a friend's relative.) Explain the idea of addiction—that drug use can become a very bad habit that is hard to stop. Praise your children for taking good care of their bodies and avoiding things that might harm them.

By the time your children are in third grade, they should understand that:

foods, poisons, medicines and illegal drugs differ;

medicines prescribed by a doctor and administered by a responsible adult may help during illness but can be harmful if misused, and therefore children need to stay away from any unknown substance or container; and

adults may drink in moderation but children may not, even in small amounts because it's harmful to children's developing brains and bodies.

Before leaving elementary school, your children should know:

the immediate effects of alcohol, tobacco and drug use on different parts of the body, including coma and death;

the long-term consequences of drug use, including addiction and loss of control of one's life;

the reasons why drugs are especially dangerous for growing bodies; and

the problems that alcohol and other illegal drugs cause not only to the user, but to the user's family and the world.

Questions elementary school children frequently ask about drugs:

Why would people want to put bad things in their bodies?

One answer might be that they might not realize how dangerous the bad things are; another is that they are not taking care of themselves. Sometimes people start using a drug just to see what it feels like, but it can turn into an addiction (like cigarettes) and it's very hard to stop using it.

Why can't I taste that "grown-up" drink?

A small amount of alcohol has a much greater negative effect on a child's body than on an adult's; even a small amount can sicken a child.

Tips for Middle School or Junior High School Children

The year your child enters middle school or junior high school is both an exciting and a challenging time. They are little fish in a big pond and often want desperately to fit in. Because your children may now see older students using alcohol, tobacco and other drugs and may think they are cool and self-assured, your children may be tempted to try drugs too. Drug use goes up dramatically in the first year of middle school or junior high.

To help your children make good choices during this critical phase, you should:

Make sure they are well-versed in the reasons to avoid alcohol, tobacco and drugs;

Get to know their friends by taking them to and from after-school activities, games, the library and movies (while being sensitive to their need to feel independent);

Volunteer for activities where you can observe your child at school; and

Get acquainted with the parents of your children's friends and learn about their children's interests and habits. If it seems that your child is attracted to those with bad habits, reiterate why drug use is unacceptable.

To make sure that your child's life is structured in such a way that drugs have no place in it, you should:

If possible, arrange to have your children looked after and engaged in the after-school hours if you cannot be with them. Encourage them to get involved with reputable youth groups, arts, music, sports, community service and academic clubs.

Make sure children who are unattended for periods during the day feel your presence. Give them a schedule and set limits on their behavior. Give them household chores to accomplish. Enforce a strict phone-in-to-you policy. Leave notes for them around the house. Provide easy-to-find snacks.

Get to know the parents of your child's friends. Exchange phone numbers and addresses. Agree to forbid each others' children from consuming alcohol, tobacco and other drugs in their homes, and pledge that you will inform each other if one of you becomes aware of a child who violates this pact.

Call parents whose home is to be used for a party. Make sure they can assure you that no alcoholic beverages or illegal substances will be dispensed. Don't be afraid to check out the party yourself to see that adult supervision is in place.

Make it easy for your child to leave a place where substances are being used. Discuss with your child in advance how to contact you or another designated adult in order to get a ride home. If another adult provides the transportation, be available to talk to your child about the situation when he or she arrives home.

Set curfews and enforce them. Weekend curfews might range from 9 p.m. for a fifth-grader to 12:30 a.m. for a senior in high school.

Encourage open dialogue with your children about their experiences. Tell your child, "I love you and trust you, but I don't trust the world around you, and I need to know what's going on in your life so I can be a good parent to you."

What Can You Do About Drugs at Your Child's School?

Children have the best prospects for leading healthy, drug-free lives when schools support parents in their anti-drug message. There should be nothing confusing or contradictory in what children learn about drugs from the adults in their lives, and school policies need to reflect the same attitude toward alcohol and drugs that you express at home: Drug use is not acceptable. Drugs diminish a child's ability to concentrate and follow through on academic responsibilities, they cause absenteeism and loss of motivation, and students who use them can be disruptive and drain teachers' time and energy.

The best way to ensure that the anti-drug policies at your child's school are strong is to be involved. You can:

Learn about the current policies regarding alcohol and other drugs at your child's school. If there is no anti-drug policy in place, attend parent volunteer or curriculum review meetings, or schedule an interview with the principal to help develop a policy. The policy should specify what constitutes an alcohol, tobacco or other drug offense, spell out the consequences for failing to follow the rules, and describe procedures for handling violations.

Familiarize yourself with drug education in your child's school. Faculty members should be trained to teach about alcohol, tobacco and other drug use. Drug education should be taught in an age-appropriate way at each grade level throughout the year rather than only once during a special week. Drug education may be taught during health class, but all teachers should incorporate anti-drug information into their classes. There should be a parent education component. The school's program should be based on current research. Depending on the drug education conditions at your child's school, you may want to become more involved and inform the school administrators that there is a need for improvements in these areas.

Immerse yourself in the school's drug education program at home. Ask your child to show you any materials distributed during or outside class and take the opportunity to review them together.

Find out if your child's school conducts assessments of its drug problem and whether these results are used in the program.

Ask what happens to those who are caught abusing drugs. Does the school offer a list of referrals for students who need treatment?

Request and examine any existing materials. Do they contain a clear message that alcohol, tobacco and other drug use is wrong and harmful? Is the information accurate and up to date?

Investigate whether your school's drug program is being evaluated for success. Research indicates that some of the most effective programs emphasize the value of life skills such as coping with anxiety, being assertive and feeling comfortable socially. When these lessons are combined with drug education, students confronted with drugs are better equipped to resist them.

Additional Resources

The Office of Safe and Drug-Free Schools is one of the federal government's primary vehicles for preventing drug use and violence among youth. For the latest publications on keeping kids safe and drug free, call toll-free 1-877-433-7827.

The White House Office of National Drug Control Policy provides brochures and other free resources for parents. Call toll-free 1-800-666-3332.

The National Institute on Drug Abuse offers information on the effects of drug abuse. Call 301-443-1124.

The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration provides resources on the prevention and treatment of substance abuse and mental illnesses.